The decision to separate is never an easy one. As Ontario family lawyers, we often see clients at a crossroads—wondering whether they should stay and work on their marriage or take the difficult step toward divorce. In a recent article by Madeline Holcombe for CNN, therapists and attorneys weighed in on what factors contribute to the decision to divorce, how to navigate conflict, and what steps to take if separation becomes inevitable.
At FamilyLLB.com, we’ve explored many of these issues in-depth, from understanding the emotional stages of divorce to how to co-parent effectively after separation. Let’s take a closer look at what the experts say and how their insights apply to Ontario family law.
Red Flags That May Signal Divorce
Dr. Monica O’Neal, a Boston-based psychologist, emphasizes that divorce should never be taken lightly. However, certain situations—such as abuse—demand immediate action. If a relationship involves physical, emotional, or financial abuse, staying may only increase the risk of harm.
Emotional abuse, while often harder to recognize, is just as serious. Washington, D.C. therapist Marissa Nelson describes emotional abuse as patterns of control, manipulation, shaming, or isolation from friends and family. These dynamics can slowly erode a person’s self-esteem and independence, making it even more challenging to leave.
If you are experiencing abuse in your marriage, seeking legal counsel and professional support should be a top priority. In Ontario, options like exclusive possession of the matrimonial home, restraining orders, and emergency financial support may be available to help protect you and your family.
For more on this topic, visit our Domestic Violence & Family Law section.
Infidelity: Is It a Dealbreaker?
Many people assume that infidelity automatically leads to divorce, but as Dr. O’Neal points out, some couples recover from affairs and build stronger relationships. Often, infidelity is a symptom of deeper marital issues—communication breakdowns, unmet emotional needs, or long-standing resentment.
That said, not every relationship can or should survive an affair. The key question is whether both partners are willing to address the root causes and rebuild trust. If one partner refuses to engage in the process, the relationship may be beyond repair.
In Ontario, infidelity does not impact equalization of property or spousal support, as we have a no-fault divorce system. However, it may play a role in parenting decisions if the affair involved behavior that endangered the children.
For more insights, read our article: Can an Affair Affect My Divorce in Ontario?
When Conflict Becomes Unmanageable
One of the biggest predictors of divorce is not what couples argue about, but how they handle conflict. According to therapists, couples who navigate disagreements with respect, open communication, and compromise often survive difficult periods. However, when partners refuse to change, dismiss each other’s feelings, or reject counseling, separation may be the best option.
Some of the most common marital conflicts include:
- Differing parenting styles
- Financial disputes
- Lack of intimacy or emotional connection
- Disagreements over caregiving for elderly parents
If compromise is impossible and resentment is growing, it may be time to consider your options.
We discuss these issues in more detail in: How Do I Know If It’s Time to Divorce?
Divorce is a Loss—Even If It’s the Right Choice
As therapist Marilyn Chinitz points out, divorce is a loss—even when it is the best decision. People grieve the end of their identity as a married person, the vision they had for their future, and the security that marriage once provided.
Navigating this grief is crucial for moving forward. Nelson recommends that those going through a divorce ask themselves:
- Where do I want to be in five years?
- What kind of co-parenting relationship do I want?
- How can I process this experience without letting it define me?
Embracing these questions can shift your focus from what’s ending to what’s possible.
Read more: How to Emotionally Prepare for Divorce
The Importance of a Respectful Divorce—Especially with Kids
Children are often the most affected by divorce, and how parents handle the separation can shape their emotional well-being for years to come. Therapists stress the importance of:
- Shielding children from conflict
- Never badmouthing the other parent
- Providing reassurance and stability
Even if one parent engages in hostile or manipulative behavior, the best approach is to take the high road. As O’Neal advises, children should never feel they must defend one parent against the other. Instead, give them space to express concerns without fear of upsetting either parent.
For practical advice on co-parenting, visit: Co-Parenting After Divorce: Best Practices
Legal Considerations in Ontario Divorce
If you’ve decided to proceed with divorce, understanding your legal options is crucial. In Ontario, separating couples can choose between:
- Mediation – A neutral third party helps you reach an agreement.
- Collaborative Family Law – Each spouse hires a lawyer trained in out-of-court dispute resolution.
- Litigation – If no agreement is possible, the case goes to court.
Professionals often agree that collaborative and mediated divorces tend to yield better outcomes than bitter court battles. In Ontario, these approaches allow couples to retain more control over the process, minimize conflict, and reduce legal costs.
Learn more: Collaborative Divorce: Is It Right for You?
Final Thoughts
Deciding whether to divorce is one of the most difficult choices a person can make. While therapy, counseling, and open communication may help some couples repair their relationships, others may realize that separation is the healthiest path forward.
If you are considering divorce, take the time to gather information, explore your options, and seek professional guidance. A well-planned approach can lead to a more respectful, less contentious divorce, setting the stage for a healthier future for you and your family.
