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Be Careful About Who Your “Friends” Are

Be Careful About Who Your “Friends” Are; Facebook as a Source of Evidence in Family Law: Part 4

In recent months I have written on a few occasions about the use of Facebook in family law matters, for example situations where one ex-spouse was using it to gather unflattering information about the other, usually as a tool in a custody dispute. Reference:

Facebook as a Source of Evidence In Family Law: Part 1

Facebook as a Source of Evidence in Family Law: Part 2 – More About Facebook in Family Cases


 Facebook as a Source of Evidence in Family Law: Part 3

The primarily lesson to be learned from those scenarios is that the social media-based access to our private lives that we give others can be used and misused in unanticipated ways.

Yet another illustration of this concept occurs came to my attention recently, in a situation involving a fellow lawyer whose imprudent choice of whom to “befriend” on Facebook led to the misappropriation and unauthorized use of pictures of himself.

The scenario was described by legal marketer Susan Van Dyke, whose client was a partner in a law firm. As a means of promoting himself and the firm, the lawyer created a Facebook profile and added many Friends to his list. Amongst them was a reporter.

This reporter happened to be doing some writing for the law firm’s media relations campaign, which included mention of this lawyer. However, the reporter was unsatisfied with the photograph provided by the lawyer’s publicist. The reporter then took it upon herself to “hunt for more interesting photos” on the lawyer’s Facebook profile. Fortunately, the photo that was eventually published to accompany the reporter’s written article was not an embarrassing one (it showed the lawyer standing next to a high-profile public person), but it was certainly not the one that had been approved and endorsed by the lawyer himself.

This incident shows the importance of taking care to ensure that the photos and other information we make available on social media sites such as Facebook, Twitter and even LinkedIn has been carefully vetted to ensure that it cannot embarrass us or harm our reputation. (And this includes not only those images that we upload ourselves, but also images posted by others in which we have been “tagged.”)

Migrating this to the realm of family law disputes, it easy to imagine an ex-spouse (or soon-to-be-ex) sifting through photos of the other spouse on Facebook, looking for images that are damaging to his or her reputation or legal position. Especially for an ex-spouse who is intent on painting the other spouse in an unflattering light in court (for example to gain leverage in a custody or access dispute, or to disprove the other spouse’s claims of physical inability to work so as to preclude an increased need for spousal support) Facebook and other social media sites are a free and fertile source of potential ammunition.

But whatever the unanticipated use might be, the bottom line is this: if an image or information has been posted, it available for public consumption and can be used against you, even by a friend, but especially by an ex-spouse or ex-partner.

Susan Van Dyke offers several “essential Facebook tips” to help avoid having information or photos misused in this way. These include:

1) knowing who your “Friends” are;

2) avoiding posting anything that can come back to haunt you;

3) checking your Facebook security settings;

4) scanning all social media sites for photos in which you are tagged (and requesting that they be removed if they are not flattering);

5) creating a separate Facebook page just for family and personal photos.

Facebook is here to stay — and with all of its unforeseen dangers. Those who are embroiled in family law disputes should be particularly vigilant about what information they are making available, and how it is being used.

At Russell Alexander, Family Lawyers our focus is exclusively family law, offering pre-separation legal advice and assisting clients with family related issues including: custody and access, separation agreements, child and spousal support, division of family property, paternity disputes, and enforcement of court orders. For more information, visit us at

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Facebook as a Source of Evidence In Family Law: Part 1

 Facebook as a Source of Evidence In Family Law: Part 1

Facebook, Twitter and other social networking sites are now a routine part of many people’s lives, and have become a convenient means of interacting with others. What some people do not realize, however, is that postings and activity on Facebook and similar sites can be used in family litigation – and usually in unexpected and unforeseen ways.

For example, in a very recent Ontario decision called Jesmer v. Delormier, the father applied to the court for access to his child, a boy named Wyatt. The mother opposed this, claiming that the father and his family should have no access to Wyatt whatsoever.

After a hearing, the court ordered that the father should be given access, but only on a supervised basis. Nonetheless, he never got a chance to fully exercise the access because the mother threw up obstacles to thwart it. The mother wrote the following Facebook message to the father’s sister:

Hi Meagan,

Okay so what I wanted to say. I lied to the judge and it was wrong. I’m hoping this isn’t going to backfire but I think that the best interest of Wyatt is with Alex and that she is right in some ways I think Craig should have supervised visits if anything but Craig is not capable of caring or looking after kids. He has a violent anger which is why I didn’t say the truth that day I was scared and which is why I left. Now there are numerous things I can bring to the judge about Craig and how he is unfit to have any kids without supervision. I do think Wyatt should know him but I wouldn’t trust Craig with any kids either. I did everything and he would leave at long times with me taking care of the kids he never changed Leiland’s diapers I was always the on[sic] to change them. He yelled at me and the kids many of times. I am willing to tell the judge this but I don’t want to be named. Not sure how this would happen though. All I would like out of this is 15,000. I could use the money not going to lie.

I hope you all have a merry xmas and a happy new year.

This Facebook message came to the court’s attention, and the hearing was re-opened to allow the court to consider this new evidence. When confronted, the mother claimed that the Facebook message was untrue; she said she had simply sent it in a fit of fury when, post-separation, she had called the father’s new house only to have an unknown woman answer the phone. She said she wrote the Facebook message to hurt the father.

The court found that the mother’s explanation with respect to the Facebook message simply did not ring true. And whether true or not, the fact that she even sent it displayed “a complete lack of judgment and a total disregard to [the child] Wyatt’s best interests”. The court also noted that she came up with the current explanation a full three months after she posted the Facebook message, and – conveniently – at a point when she and the father had apparently reconciled. Accordingly the court could not determine whether the mother had lied in court or had lied on the Facebook message. It therefore disregarded her evidence in its entirety.

Similarly, in a case called M.J.M. v. A.D., the court reviewed the father’s Facebook page as evidence of his character and his credibility. It observed:

48 With respect to the father’s complaint that the mother is attempting to fool the Court about him, I have heard the evidence and observed the demeanour of both parties while giving their evidence.

49 The mother’s demeanour was straightforward and direct. She answered the questions she was asked and did not try to present herself in a better light. This positively affected her credibility.

50 The father’s demeanour was at times overly self-confident. At times in his cross-examination he answered questions with questions and was evasive. At times he was contrary; at times he shrugged when answering questions so that he displayed and conveyed a challenging “so what” attitude. He gave the grandmother the “finger” during her evidence, which was remarked upon by the grandmother and which I observed. This was both disrespectful and displayed the kind of dismissive attitude he has to the mother’s family and the mother. He did not present himself in the best light at a time when the child’s best interests called for the same. All this negatively affected his credibility.

51 Where there is a difference between the evidence of the mother and the evidence of the father, I accept the evidence of the mother.

52 In addition to the conflict between the parties, the father has demonstrated and displayed publicly (at least to his some 95 “friends” on his Facebook page) his disregard and callous lack of consideration of the mother, and his demeaning and dismissive attitude to her. On his Facebook page is a link to another site entitled “[the father] has a crazy x!”. Additionally, the father has an obscene and crude reference to a “porno actor” on his earlier Facebook page. The father refers to his Facebook page as “fun” and a place to have “fun”. This is hardly funny in the unique circumstances of this case. I also note that one of his “friends” on his Facebook page is his common-law partner’s twelve-year-old daughter. This child has been exposed to the father’s rancour and attitude to the mother. At the same time, the father has posted pictures of the child on his Facebook page. He has thereby linked the child to his rancour to the mother and, despite her young age, also exposed her to adult-appropriate matters which the father thinks are fun. That the father would do this is surprising and speaks to the issue of the whether the father can protect the safety of the child absent a detailed Court order. This does not speak to an adult consideration of the child’s best interests. I ordered him to remove the child’s picture from this site and not to post the child’s picture on any other Internet sites. In my opinion, posting her picture like this both puts the child at risk and exposes her to risk.

Overall, there is no evidence that these parents can work together or communicate effectively. The father’s actions around his Facebook link is indicative of his lack of respect for the mother yet asks that decision-making be shared. I believe in such a situation that a shared decision-making arrangement would be destructive and chaotic for the child. The child is entitled to grow up in an atmosphere free of acrimony, rancour, disharmony and disrespect. The father has demonstrated he is unable to act as a principled decision-maker for the child and his attitude to the mother further demonstrates that he will continue to be dismissive of her and will attempt to enforce his will on her at every opportunity if he had any decision-making authority. This is not in the best interests of the child.

Finally, in Himes v. Himes, which was another Ontario case, the court had to consider whether an exchange between spouses on Facebook could be introduced as evidence. In that case, the wife had approached the husband to see whether he was willing to discuss an application for child access that he had launched. The wife was afraid to talk to the husband directly, because she found him controlling. However, she agreed to talk to him on Facebook, and they did so for a few days. The wife wanted to introduce this Facebook exchange as evidence, but the court characterized them as essentially being settlement discussions, which were privileged even if both parties consented to have them introduced as evidence of what each was proposing to the other. Accordingly the court disregarded the Facebook exchange entirely.

You can review the Court’s full decision in these cases at:

Jesmer v. Delormier, 2011 ONSC 1750 (S.C.J.)

M.J.M. v. A.D., 2008 ABPC 379 (Alta. Prov. Ct.)

Himes v. Himes, [2009] O.J. No. 2787 (S.C.J.)

At Russell Alexander, Family Lawyers our focus is exclusively family law, offering pre-separation legal advice and assisting clients with family related issues including: custody and access, separation agreements, child and spousal support, division of family property, paternity disputes, and enforcement of court orders. For more information, visit

You can also visit us on Facebook at

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