As a seasoned family lawyer, I’ve seen it all – but mostly, I’ve seen more than my share of contentious divorces. And I’ve learned that while no two separations are the same, there are certain red flags tending to signal that one spouse will make the process more difficult than necessary.
If you’re on the brink of separating, it’s important to keep an eye out for these signs. It will help you prepare for what lies ahead, and avoid unnecessary stress.
Below are five of the common ones:
1. A History of Control Issues
If your spouse has consistently tried to control you during your marriage, you can bet this will carry over into the divorce process.
It might look like an attempt to control the division of assets, the parenting schedule, or even the pace at which the divorce proceeds. Your spouse may stonewall on reaching a compromise, or merely drag out the proceedings unnecessarily.
In this case, be prepared for the possibility of lengthy negotiations, plenty of delays and unnecessary motions, and having to fight tooth-and-nail to get a fair outcome—with the court’s help along every step of the way.
2. Unrealistic Expectations
The next red flag involves unrealistic expectations. Divorce is already an emotional process, but if your spouse has an unrealistic vision about the outcome—whether on asset division, child custody, or spousal support—it can cause significant delays and additional conflict.
Your spouse may struggle to understand the reality of your respective legal entitlements. They may feel entitled to more than they should reasonably expect—or conversely, they make think you should get far less than what you legally deserve. It can be difficult to dislodge these far-fetched and misguided beliefs.
It’s not always easy, but the key is to help educate your spouse (and yourself) by working with closely with your respective lawyers and with a mediator, to help manage these expectations.
3. A Vindictive Attitude
If your spouse has a tendency to hold grudges or displays a “win at all costs” mentality, they will likely use the divorce as an opportunity to be vindictive, seek revenge, and to hurt you emotionally.
This can lead to battles over the most trivial issues, such as who gets to keep insignificant personal belongings. It may mean a lack of compromise over minor issues, such as who gets more time with the family pet. Your spouse may even use your children as a weapon, and try to manipulate parenting agreements and cause you extra inconvenience, cost, and grief.
Navigating this requires patience and a strong legal strategy, so that your interests and emotional well-being are protected.
4. A Tendency to Lie or Hide Assets
If your spouse tends to be dishonest or secretive, this can make your separation and divorce especially difficult. Any spouse with a history of lying or mismanaging finances during the relationship will often not hesitate to try to hide assets, or downplay their financial status, during the divorce process.
Financial transparency is not crucial in a divorce, it’s also legally mandated under Canadian Family law. But this does not stop some divorcing spouses from their dishonesty, especially in high-asset cases. Your lawyer may need to involve forensic accountants or other experts to uncover hidden assets or ensure accurate financial disclosures are made.
5. A Narcissistic Personality
Finally, one of the biggest red flags has to with narcissism—or at least narcissistic traits. If your spouse has a super-inflated ego, they will tend to view divorce as an attack on their self-worth. They might go to great length tends to “win” the process, using unreasonable tactics.
This could involve an unwillingness to compromise, and not following procedures simply to gain a legal or emotional advantage. In short, they will manipulate the legal process to serve their self-interest, even at the expense of your children.
The good news is that a solid legal team that understands how to deal with narcissistic behavior can help minimize the emotional toll and keep the focus on a fair resolution.
Final Thoughts
Recognizing these warning signs early on can help you and your legal team prepare for a difficult divorce process. It’s crucial to work with an experienced divorce lawyer who can help protect your interests and guide you through what could be a tumultuous process.
At Russell Alexander Collaborative Family Lawyers, we specialize in helping clients navigate even the most complex and high-conflict divorces. Our collaborative approach aims to reduce stress and promote fair outcomes, but we are also well-prepared to litigate aggressively when necessary. If you’re facing a challenging divorce, reach out to us for guidance.”
