For many individuals facing uncertainty in their relationship, the earliest signs of marital breakdown can be easy to overlook. According to Professor John Gottman—a renowned psychologist who has studied love and relationships for over four decades—one of the most reliable predictors of divorce isn’t fighting or infidelity. It’s emotional disengagement.
At Russell Alexander Collaborative Family Lawyers, we often hear from clients who say, “We just drifted apart,” or “It felt like we stopped being a team.” As Gottman’s research confirms, that gradual emotional distance may be one of the clearest indicators that a relationship is in serious trouble.
Emotional Disengagement: The Overlooked Red Flag
Gottman’s findings reveal that what truly puts a relationship at risk is when partners begin to “turn away” from one another emotionally. This happens in subtle moments—when one partner attempts to connect, and the other fails to respond.
These missed opportunities, which Gottman refers to as “bids for connection,” might include:
- Making a casual comment during dinner in hopes of starting a conversation
- Sharing a personal success or frustration
- Attempting a moment of humour or lightness
When these bids are repeatedly ignored or brushed off, the emotional connection begins to erode. Over time, this pattern can lead to isolation, resentment, and, eventually, separation or divorce.
What This Means for Couples in Ontario
Emotional disconnection doesn’t always result in divorce, but it is a clear signal that a relationship may be struggling. Many individuals we work with report feeling disconnected from their spouse long before they decide to formally separate.
Recognizing these patterns early can provide an opportunity to:
- Engage in counselling or therapy
- Explore options for resolution, including collaborative family law
- Take informed steps if separation becomes necessary
Considering Separation? You’re Not Alone
If you find yourself questioning the health of your relationship or experiencing sustained emotional distance from your spouse, it may be time to seek support. Understanding the dynamics behind emotional disengagement can help you make more informed, confident decisions about your future.
At Russell Alexander Collaborative Family Lawyers, we support clients through the legal, emotional, and practical realities of separation and divorce. Our collaborative approach emphasizes respect, communication, and long-term solutions tailored to your family’s unique circumstances.
To learn more or schedule a confidential consultation, please visit www.RussellAlexander.com.
