Back a few years ago, I wrote about January being the unofficial “divorce month,” when many struggling couples decide that the post-holiday period as the right time to officially separate.
This phenomenon – which is based on a spike in divorce court filings and anecdotes from Family lawyers – is seen not only in Canada, but in the U.S. and the U.K. as well.
Of course January might be the main one, but it’s not the only time of year where there’s an upsurge in unhappy couples who formally decide to part ways. Family lawyers often notice another pattern: Parents delay a breakup until after the hot days of the summer months are just a fond memory.
Call it the “One Last Summer Together” effect.
Why the Wait?
If you’re part of a couple who are already considering separation, the precious few months of a Canadian summer can feel like a natural pause button. Here’s why:
- Family vacations may already have planned, booked, and paid for in advance.
- The kids are home from school, and routines are more relaxed.
- The warm weather and abundant outdoor activities can bring moments of carefree family fun, even if the marriage is unraveling.
Some struggling couples may even purposefully decide to give their children one final summer of normalcy – before it all unravels into a “new normal”.
And on the flip-side, September is when Family lawyers see a surge in new consultations, as parents decide the time has come to move forward. Why wait until then?
Perhaps it’s because the return to school acts as a turning point. Once the kids are back in class, daily life for kids and parents alike will resume its usual structure — and difficult conversations that were pushed aside in July and August can come to the forefront.
Why Timing Matters
This begs the question: If you’re contemplating separation, is it a good idea to do it in the Fall? Or wait until after the Christmas holidays? Or some other time of year?
Of course there’s no one right answer. It all depends on your own circumstances.
Choosing the right time will involve a huge number of personal factors, including your finances, available living arrangements, and emotional state. And waiting too long can also create pressure: Decisions that were postponed for months may suddenly need to be made quickly, especially if it’s to avoid conflicting with (or marring) important events like the holidays.
For every couple on the brink of separation, the decision will involve a balancing of many factors, but setting the best date for everyone involved will make the process smoother.
Tips for Parents Considering Separation
If you find yourself at a crossroads on when to pull the trigger on a formal separation, it’s important to take stock and approach the situation thoughtfully. Here are some tips:
- Acknowledge your children’s perspective. Kids thrive on stability. If you’re thinking of separating in September, be mindful that the back-to-school period is already a big adjustment. Introducing news of a separation will always be distressing to kids, but at this time of year it can be overwhelming.
- Choose your timing carefully. There’s no perfect moment to break difficult news, but try to pick a calm window of time –when your children can process without the stress of exams, moves, or other upheavals.
- Present a united front. If possible, talk to your children together. Consistency in the message helps reduce confusion and reassures them that both parents will remain present in their lives.
- Seek professional advice early. Even before making an announcement at home, consult with a family lawyer. Understanding your legal options can prevent missteps and help you plan constructively.
- Consider mediation or negotiation. Court should be the last resort. Many families benefit from mediation or collaborative processes that focus on solutions rather than battles.
- Look after yourself too. Separation is stressful. Lean on trusted friends, counsellors, or support groups. Taking care of your own well-being equips you to better support your children.
At Russell Alexander, Family Lawyers, our focus is exclusively family law. We provide pre-separation advice and assist with child custody, support, property division, separation agreements, and other family-related issues. For more information, visit us at www.RussellAlexander.com.
