Discover what Ontario couples can learn from the dark comedy The War of the Roses. Explore lessons about resentment, communication breakdowns, and property battles in separation and divorce under Ontario family law.
This article is part of our Family Law in Film series, where we explore how Hollywood stories about marriage and divorce reveal real-world lessons for Ontario couples. Stay tuned for part 2 and three, coming soon.
Back in 1989, Danny DeVito’s The War of the Roses shocked and entertained audiences with its unflinching portrait of a marriage in collapse. Starring Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner, it took the breakdown of a once loving relationship and pushed it to absurd—and violent—extremes.
As over-the-top as the story was, it struck a nerve because it reflected real truths about how resentment, pride, and poor communication can turn even the most beautiful relationship toxic. For Ontario couples, it still serves as a cautionary tale. Behind the smashed furniture and biting one-liners are lessons about the dangers of letting conflicts fester, the importance of honest dialogue, and the very real consequences when legal and financial disputes are allowed to drive the process instead of cooperation and understanding.
When Love Turns Into Resentment
In the film, Oliver and Barbara Rose begin as a picture-perfect couple. But over time, small annoyances grow into bitter resentments. Their marriage deteriorates not through a single betrayal but through an accumulation of unresolved frustrations.
For Ontario couples, this is a reminder that resentment rarely arrives suddenly. It builds slowly, often in the background. Left unchecked, it can reach a point where reconciliation is almost impossible. Recognizing and addressing these issues early—whether through communication, counselling, or mediation—can prevent problems from becoming destructive.
Communication Breakdowns
One of the central themes of The War of the Roses is the way communication collapses. The Roses stop listening to each other and begin talking past one another, focusing only on winning instead of understanding.
This dynamic is often mirrored in family law cases here in Ontario. When couples stop communicating, lawyers and the courts may become the default mediators. While the legal system is there to resolve disputes, relying solely on litigation can make matters worse. Collaborative law, mediation, and open dialogue often produce better outcomes for families.
Property Battles as Symbols of Power
The most infamous aspect of the movie is the couple’s fight over their mansion, which becomes both a battleground and a symbol of control. Each spouse sees “winning the house” as proof of their victory, regardless of the emotional or financial costs.
In Ontario, we often see property become a flashpoint in separation. While the Family Law Act sets clear rules for equalization of property, emotions can make couples cling to houses, cottages, or even household items beyond their true value. Understanding the difference between emotional attachment and financial reality is essential in navigating a fair resolution.
The Legal and Emotional Costs of All-Out War
By the end of the movie, both spouses are left broken, a warning about how destructive a scorched-earth approach can be. Ontario family law cases that spiral into high-conflict litigation often carry the same lesson: the process itself can drain finances, time, and emotional wellbeing, sometimes leaving little for either spouse to rebuild their lives.
That is why collaborative family law, negotiation, and mediation are so important. They focus not on “winning” but on building workable solutions, especially where children are involved. The law in Ontario encourages these less adversarial approaches, because ultimately, cooperation serves families better than destruction.
Why It Still Matters Today
Although The War of the Roses is a Hollywood exaggeration, its themes remain timeless. The dangers of unchecked resentment, poor communication, and property battles are as real for Ontario couples today as they were in the 1980s.
Watching the film today can be both entertaining and sobering. It’s a reminder that the choices couples make—whether to escalate conflict or to seek resolution—will shape not only their divorce, but also their ability to move forward.
And as the story comes full circle with The Roses (2025), a modern retelling of marital collapse, we see how these lessons continue to evolve in new cultural contexts. You can read my follow-up reflections on that film coming soon.
