From Hollywood Battles to Real-World Solutions: How Collaborative Practice Could Have Saved the Roses
Both The War of the Roses and The Roses show the cost of marital conflict. Learn how collaborative practice could have helped the Roses resolve disputes fairly — and how Ontario couples can use this approach to separate with dignity and avoid destructive court battles.
This article is part of our Family Law in Film series, where we explore how Hollywood stories about marriage and divorce reveal real-world lessons for Ontario couples.
For more than three decades, The War of the Roses (1989) has been the ultimate dark comedy about divorce. Its unforgettable scenes of smashed chandeliers and scorched property drove home how resentment and unchecked conflict can destroy not just a marriage but everything around it.
Now, in 2025, The Roses revisits this cautionary tale with a modern twist. The new version swaps out property destruction for emotional sabotage, but the message is the same: once a couple gives up on constructive dialogue, bitterness takes over.
Ontario couples watching either version might ask: is there a better way? The answer is yes. Collaborative family law (CP) is designed to help families resolve disputes without court battles, keeping dignity and fairness intact. Let’s look at how CP could have transformed each of the Roses’ flashpoints into opportunities for resolution.
1. Shifting Roles and Power Imbalances
In both films, career changes fuel resentment. In the original, Oliver’s professional pride blinds him to Barbara’s needs. In the remake, Theo flounders while Ivy’s career soars, creating a painful imbalance.
In CP, neutral financial specialists and counsellors help couples talk through these role shifts. Instead of framing one spouse as the “winner” and the other as the “failure,” the process encourages honest dialogue about contributions, sacrifices, and future needs. The couple might have designed a support arrangement that acknowledged changing careers without breeding hostility.
2. Property as a Battlefield
The 1989 Roses turn their mansion into a war zone, literally fighting over who controls the home. It becomes less about real estate and more about power.
Under CP, the couple would work with a financial neutral to explore the house’s actual value, tax implications, and emotional attachments. Options such as buy-outs, staggered sales, or even shared short-term use could have been considered. By shifting the focus from “winning the house” to “meeting both parties’ needs,” they could have avoided destruction — of the home and of themselves.
3. Communication Breakdown
Sarcasm, cruelty, and silent treatment dominate both films. Once the Roses stop listening to each other, everything spirals.
CP creates a safe, structured environment for communication. Lawyers trained in the process keep discussions respectful and forward-looking. If Oliver and Barbara, or Theo and Ivy, had been guided through constructive conversations instead of trading barbs, they might have uncovered the underlying fears and unmet needs driving their resentment.
4. Emotional Identity and Self-Worth
In the remake, Theo struggles with self-worth as Ivy’s career thrives. In the original, Barbara feels invisible and undervalued in her role at home. Both films show how fragile identity can fuel conflict.
Collaborative practice often brings in coaches or counsellors to help spouses articulate these feelings productively. Instead of weaponizing identity crises against each other, the Roses could have had space to validate each other’s struggles and craft solutions — perhaps through spousal support, career transitions, or redefined household roles — that honored both partners.
5. Preserving Family and Community Ties
While the films exaggerate conflict for comedy, in real life Ontario families often face the same risks: children caught in the middle, extended families divided, communities strained.
One of CP’s greatest strengths is keeping families functional beyond the separation. A child specialist might have helped the Roses focus on parenting rather than point-scoring. Even in couples without children, CP helps preserve a level of civility so that friends, extended family, and professional reputations don’t get caught in the crossfire.
The Real Lesson for Ontario Couples
Hollywood thrives on drama, but real Ontario families don’t need to live out the script. Both The War of the Roses and The Roses dramatize what happens when conflict is left to escalate unchecked. Collaborative practice offers the opposite: a dignified, private, and constructive path where spouses, guided by their lawyers and neutral professionals, resolve disputes fairly and creatively.
If the Roses had sat down in a CP setting instead of tearing each other apart, they could have walked away with their dignity, finances, and futures intact. Ontario couples facing separation today have that option. The real story doesn’t have to end in destruction — it can begin a healthier new chapter.
