By Russell Alexander, Ontario Family Lawyer
Divorce is rarely an impulsive decision. For many couples, it’s a slow realization that the relationship is no longer working. While the common reasons for divorce—infidelity, financial stress, and lack of communication—are well known, an often-overlooked indicator is an unwillingness to change.
In a recent article from CNN, experts including therapists and family lawyers weighed in on how this rigidity in relationships can be a predictor of separation. Their insights align with what we frequently see in Ontario family law. If you’re wondering whether your marriage is at risk, understanding how conflict, communication, and flexibility impact relationships is key.
For more insights, visit FamilyLLB.com, where we explore topics like when to consider divorce, co-parenting strategies, and the financial realities of separation.
The Warning Signs: When Stubbornness Becomes a Roadblock
Many couples face challenges—some overcome them, while others do not. As Washington-based therapist Marissa Nelson points out, difficult life circumstances can either bring couples together or expose deeper fractures in the relationship.
“If both partners are willing to work through issues, seek counseling, and make compromises, a relationship can often be saved,” says Nelson. “But if one person refuses to change or even acknowledge the issues, that’s a major red flag.”
Samantha Klein, head of a California family law practice, agrees. She advises couples to exhaust all options before moving toward divorce, but the process is still incredibly difficult—emotionally, financially, and legally.
At Russell Alexander Collaborative Family Lawyers, we often encourage clients to ask themselves:
- Are both partners committed to finding solutions?
- Is one person refusing to communicate, seek help, or make changes?
- Has the relationship become one-sided in efforts to improve things?
When one partner remains unwilling to adapt, listen, or compromise, it often signals that the marriage is in trouble.
Related Reading: How to Know If It’s Time for Divorce
Abuse and Safety: When Leaving is the Only Option
While many relationship issues can be worked through, abuse is not one of them.
Psychologist Dr. Monica O’Neal highlights that any form of abuse—physical, emotional, or sexual—should be a clear signal to leave the relationship immediately. Abuse is about power and control, and it only escalates over time.
Signs of emotional abuse, according to Nelson, include:
- Controlling behaviours (limiting access to finances, friends, or family)
- Constant criticism, humiliation, or insults
- Threatening, intimidating, or shaming
- Dismissing your needs and undermining your self-worth
These behaviours chip away at a person’s identity and sense of reality, making it even harder to leave. If you or someone you know is in this situation, seeking legal protection and support should be the top priority.
For more information, visit: Domestic Violence & Family Law
Infidelity: A Dealbreaker or a Symptom of Deeper Issues?
Many assume infidelity automatically leads to divorce, but some couples recover from it. Dr. O’Neal explains that infidelity is often a symptom of deeper problems in the relationship, such as emotional disconnection or unmet needs.
“I’ve seen many couples rebuild after infidelity,” O’Neal says. “But it requires honesty, communication, and a willingness to examine what went wrong.”
However, if the cheating partner refuses to take accountability or change their behavior, that’s a different story. A spouse who continues to deceive, blame, or avoid responsibility makes reconciliation nearly impossible.
From a legal perspective, infidelity in Ontario does not impact property division or spousal support, as we have a no-fault divorce system. However, it can affect child custody and decision-making if the affair involved behavior that endangered the children.
Learn more: Infidelity and Divorce in Ontario
Communication vs. Stonewalling: The Key to Marriage Survival
Relationship conflicts are normal. What matters most is how couples handle disagreements.
Nelson emphasizes that everything—aside from abuse—is solvable if both partners are willing to:
- Communicate openly and honestly
- Compromise
- Acknowledge each other’s needs and perspectives
However, when one person refuses to engage, seek therapy, or even discuss solutions, it becomes nearly impossible to move forward.
“If there is an unwillingness to change, an unwillingness to do couples therapy, or even an unwillingness to acknowledge the issues, that’s a strong indicator the marriage might not last,” Nelson warns.
For more on improving communication, visit: Managing Conflict in Divorce
Divorce is a Loss—Even If It’s the Right Choice
Even when divorce is necessary, it’s still a loss. People often grieve:
- Their identity as a married person
- The future they envisioned
- The idea of raising their children under one roof
Nelson reminds those going through divorce that pain is part of the process, but holding onto the past prevents healing and future happiness.
“If you don’t let this relationship go, it will eat you up,” she says. “Holding onto resentment makes it harder to open your heart again.”
Related Reading: Emotional Stages of Divorce
Divorce and Children: A Kind Separation Matters
For couples with children, a respectful divorce is crucial.
Dr. O’Neal urges parents to remember:
- Your role as a parent does not end with divorce.
- Never badmouth the other parent to your child.
- Your child is not your emotional support system.
Even when one parent behaves badly, the best response is not to retaliate. Instead, give your child a safe space to express their feelings.
“Anything that comes up that sounds hard to hear, encourage them to talk to you about it,” O’Neal advises.
Older children and even adult children can also struggle with divorce. Their sense of family and home is tied to their parents, and separation can shake their foundation.
For guidance on parenting through divorce, read: Co-Parenting Best Practices
Legal Considerations: Finding the Right Approach to Divorce
Not all divorces need to be bitter court battles. There are options that can lead to less conflict, lower costs, and better long-term outcomes:
- Mediation – A neutral third party helps couples reach agreements.
- Collaborative Family Law – Both spouses hire lawyers trained in cooperative divorce.
- Litigation – If no agreement is possible, the case goes to court.
Nicky Rooz, a family lawyer, emphasizes that hiring a settlement-focused lawyer can shape the entire divorce process. A lawyer who prioritizes collaboration over conflict can help achieve fair, efficient resolutions while maintaining dignity.
Related Reading: Collaborative Divorce: Is It Right for You?
Final Thoughts
Divorce is complex, but understanding the warning signs—such as an unwillingness to change—can help you make informed decisions. Whether you’re trying to repair your marriage or preparing for divorce, professional guidance is key.
