Separation and divorce bring not only legal and emotional change, but also a shift in how we interact with former partners at family events, school functions, and celebrations. Whether it’s deciding whether to attend a shared holiday dinner or navigating awkward school concerts, these shared spaces require thought, boundaries, and self-awareness.
Inspired by a July 2025 article by Sara Mulcahy in The Sydney Morning Herald, this guide offers practical advice adapted for Ontario families navigating life after divorce.
1. Redefine the Relationship: From Spouses to Co‑Parents
When a marriage ends, the relationship doesn’t disappear—it transforms. Particularly when children are involved, many Ontario families must continue interacting at birthdays, graduations, extracurricular activities, and even future milestones like weddings or the birth of grandchildren.
This shift requires a new mindset: no longer partners in romance, but partners in parenting. Collaborative, respectful co-parenting helps children feel secure and supported, even when the family structure has changed.
2. Focus on Your Own Growth and Reactions
Your behaviour, mindset, and choices after separation will influence your long-term well-being and your children’s experience. Focusing inward—rather than on your ex’s actions—helps avoid being pulled into past conflicts or emotional cycles.
This is particularly important in Ontario, where many separation agreements and parenting plans require ongoing communication and cooperation between parents. Cultivating emotional resilience helps you handle these interactions with maturity and control.
3. Respect Your Limits: It’s Okay to Say No
Attending your former in-laws’ holiday gathering or being part of a joint birthday party might feel like the “right” thing to do—but if it creates emotional discomfort or risks conflict, it’s okay to decline.
Families in Ontario often choose to celebrate separately in the early stages post-separation to help everyone adjust. Doing what brings peace and comfort to you—and by extension, your children—is often more important than maintaining traditions out of obligation.
4. Communicate Clearly at Shared Events
When attending shared family functions or events with your ex, communication is key. Setting expectations in advance—such as arrival and departure times, seating arrangements, or who’s handling transportation—helps avoid tension or misunderstandings.
In Ontario, many parents use apps like OurFamilyWizard or co-parenting calendars to manage logistics and reduce the emotional strain of direct communication. Focus on the experience your children will have, whether or not they’re present.
5. Respect Boundaries with Extended Family
After divorce, it’s natural to miss connections with your former partner’s family. But it’s also important to respect new boundaries. If your presence at extended family events causes discomfort or tension, it may be time to step back.
This can be especially sensitive if your ex relies on their family for emotional support. Giving space is often a gesture of maturity and respect, and it allows new relationship patterns to form without confusion or pressure.
6. Learn from Healthy Examples
While every family is different, some divorced couples show it’s possible to attend events together peacefully, co-parent cooperatively, and even maintain blended family vacations. These examples aren’t about perfection, but about keeping the focus on what’s best for the children.
Creating your own version of this harmony—within your comfort zone and boundaries—can be an empowering part of your post-divorce journey.
Divorce is never easy, we help make it easier
Divorce doesn’t have to mean the end of family connections, but it does require a reimagining of how you relate to each other moving forward. With clear boundaries, open communication, and support from professionals, Ontario families can build healthy new dynamics that prioritize peace and stability.
At Russell Alexander Collaborative Family Lawyers, we help clients navigate the legal and emotional complexities of separation with clarity and care. Whether you’re crafting a parenting plan, managing boundaries, or adjusting to post-divorce life, we’re here to support you.
